Not ready

Oct 3, 2010 by

I mentioned before that one of the only new girlfriends I’ve made out here was very pregnant. (My other friend out here is one of Mike’s coworker’s wives and we met back in NJ and I don’t consider her “new.”)

Anyway, her husband is also really cool and their kids are the same ages as ours, so we all get along really well. I got a text from her husband this morning saying that, after a bunch of issues the last couple of months, today was the day that the new baby would come.

When Charlotte woke up, I told her, “M’s new baby is coming today!!”

“You mean it’s finally going to come out of her belly?”

“Yes. I’m sure she’s very relieved and excited.”

“When can I go see the new baby?”

“Well, probably not for a while. You still have that cough and we need to keep babies super healthy. But soon.”

“Oh okay. I was a baby in your belly once right?”

“Yes, a long time ago.”

“Did Daddy use the ax?”

“Um, what?”

“The ax. Did Daddy use the ax to get me out of your belly?”

And this is when I mentally get ready to ream out Mike when he wakes up for letting her watch a zombie movie again. Or my daughter is a future horror novelist.

“No, there was no ax. Where did you get that idea?”

She runs into her room and comes back with this.

It’s one of her current favorite books. It’s an old really rather morbid Danish folktale about a cat who walks around town eating everyone until he gets to a woodsman who cuts everyone else out with an ax.

“Oh, no honey. That’s just a story. A creepy story, yes. But just a story.”

“Oh. Well then how do babies come out?”

“Nevermind. You’re right. It’s an ax.”

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  1. Barb

    Love how her mind works. Good thing you are blonde…it will be easier to cover the gray. :)

  2. Sympathypains

    Tell her the truth…call it early birth control. she will never let a boy come close to her.

  3. Jessica

    I have always been super honest with my Charlotte. We use the words "vagina" and "penis".

    When she asked my how her baby brother was going to come out I stared blankly at her. Finally, because I am having another c-section, I explained what the doctor would do and showed her the scar from when she was born.

    Why it is less horrifying to give her the image a doctor chopping open her mother than to just tell her how most babies come out?

    I just couldn't do it. I even did my best to explain pubic hair when she would ask repeated questions about why grown ups had it and she didn't. But baby out the vagina? NO way. Not happening.

  4. AndreAnna

    Oh, we're very open too. She knows all the proper words for things and is very astute in the differences, especially since she has a brother and I am not modest around the house at all. She was too young (under 2) to understand the process at all when I was pregnant with Sawyer.

    My only fear in explaining the exact truth was in scaring her. I mean, the list of things she's afraid of right now only constitutes loud noises, thunder, and robots. I don't need her afraid of her own vagina LOL.

    Apparently, an ax is better. Which, when you compare to a C-section isn't much different. Ax, scalpel. Tomato, Tomahto.

  5. Rougie

    I can always count on your daughter to make me laugh and for that I am most grateful.

  6. SciFi Dad

    OK, that story is more than mildly disturbing.

  7. MadameQueen

    LOL! I love it! You know, when I explained a c-section to Bubba a couple of years ago, his first question was "How did I get knives in there?" I was like "You didn't cut YOURSELF out!"

    Thank God for c-sections, is all I'm saying.

  8. Me

    When I was pregnant with #3, my oldest, Kate came up to me and said, "Mom, Charity said her mom has a door in her stomach the dr opens to take the baby out. Can I see your door for our baby?!?" (The friend in question's mom has had c's for all 3 kids…so, kind of true.) I explained that I do not have a door but was at a complete loss as to how to tell her babies come out of our vaginas. One day I was watching one of those stupid Baby Show's TLC has and it showed it (rather blurred, thankfully.) So, I called her into the room and asked if she still wanted to know (she'd been pestering and pestering me…) I let her watch it. She goes, "Oh. It comes out of her vagina? Oh. Does there get a hole?" And I was able to explain it from there. She's not scared, she just knows that's where they come out and would often pretend to push the baby out (She'd sit on it…and tell me I had to be the doctor…). She was more worried I'd cry than anything else. (Kate and Lily (#3) are just under 4 years apart so she had to have been about…3 1/2 when she learned.)

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